28 Weeks Later... I'll still be regretting seeing this film ZING! (spoilers)

Have you ever had a craving for something, like a specific food, say like ice cream? And you get real excited cause all your friends are really interested in having some ice cream with you and you know the perfect place to get some, cause it's cheap and you've had the ice cream before and know it's some of the best ice cream you've had that year. Only then you get to the place and they say 'Oh sorry we stopped serving ice cream yesterday, now all we have is pudding.' And you're heartbroken, but I mean, pudding is close enough to ice cream right? It'll still be delicious right? So you pick up the spoon and take a bite... AND IT'S NOT PUDDING AT ALL BUT A BIG 'OL PILE OF.... well you see where I'm going with this.

Did I lose anyone yet? Better question might be is anyone still with me? Allow me to explain. The other night myself, my wife and a couple of my chums (is it still ok to use that word?) decided we were going to go see a movie at one of the cheap theaters, you know the ones where you can get a ticket, beer, pizza and popcorn for the cost of a single soda at a normal theater. Anyhow, I knew 300 was playing at this particular theater and was eager to see it again, especially with beer involved (believe me, I was planning on going in only a loincloth and just screaming SPARTA!! through the whole movie, or at least until I was tossed out). Only once we arrived, imagine my sadness when I learned 300 had run it's last night at that theater the day before. Still, having driven all that way we decided to stay for a different showing.

28 Weeks Later immediately caught my eye, I hadn't been particularly impressed with the previews I'd seen to want to see it in its initial run, but I was a fan of the original and for three dollars I couldn't go wrong.... right? Oh but I was just about to learn how mistaken I could be...

28 Weeks Later is the much anticipated sequel to 28 Days Later, the horror/thriller/OMGFUXTHATGUYJUSTTOTALLYGOTHISFACEEATEN directed by Danny Boyle of Trainspotting fame and set in Britain after the outbreak of a virus that turns people into very very angry Olympic sprinters. In the sequel the disease has died down as the victims starve to death and the American military has moved in to help rebuild London, police the areas that still might be contaminated and generally just look tough with their guns.

If the first ten minutes of this movie are any indication I was going to be wetting myself for the rest of the film, as the first scene manages to capture the horror and drama of the original film perfectly. It's a brilliantly shot scene too, starting in the darkness of the small farmhouse, one believes it to be the dead of night as the house is dimly lit by candles, no light coming from the boarded up doors and windows. A sense of despair and hopelessness infuses the viewer, realizing the horrible plight these poor people have found themselves in. Then the cries of a small child are heard, fleeing from those infected with the Rage virus and the viewer realizes it is not the dead of night at all, but the middle of the afternoon. Someone screws up as is usually the case in these situations and nearly everyone dies, including the little boy, a fact I applaud (I have nothing against small children, but when a film maker is willing to challenge certain conventions we expect from a movie I'm pleased). Anyhow, one of the main characters leaves his wife to die, fleeing to save himself a move even he knows is cowardly. Thus ends the first scene giving me hope that this movie would rock my proverbial socks off.

Alas it was not to be as the rest of the movie slid down the toilet right before my eyes. 28 weeks pass and we are told that an American led NATO force has secured part of London and they're moving people back in. Really? After only 28 weeks? Hmm alright I guess I'll let this one slide.Anyhow, as if in apology for letting that little kid die earlier, we are introduced to two other children and I immediately cringed as I realized these would probably be main characters. Children as main characters in horror movies always survive. Always. Maybe the older one would die, but it would be in some heart touching manner to save her little brother or whatever. Still it did not bode well for the film at all.

So it turns out these children are the kids of the man who tucked tail and ran while his wife and the others were savagely killed at the beginning of the film. The first thing he does is immediately lie to his children about the circumstances of their mother's death, practically GUARANTEEING his horrific death later in the film. Then there's some sad boohooing by the little kid about how he's going to forget what his mom looks like, at which point the older sister suggests they sneak out of the quarantine zone and get a picture of her from their home in London. What? Really? Okkkk..

Anyhow, they sneak across a bridge but are spotted by a sniper in the middle, who we've already been introduced to as 'American Soldier' character. Nothing really special about him, other than he has a friend who flies a helicopter!! WHOOOAA!! So he radios in these kids are sneaking across the bridge, yet the kids still have time to walk halfway across London, steal moped keys off a dead guy, get to their house, find their mom still alive but completely bonkers before the military guys can show up to gather them up. Yeap that's right, mommy is still alive. Apparently she's a special person, someone who can carry the virus but not be infected by it. You know, like that monkey in Out Break, or like Carrot Top. But I digress. They bring the mom back to the protected area of London where the medical woman talks the military command out of just killing the woman (Thanks a lot!) so they can study her and find a cure. Wait... who needs a cure? Everyone infected is supposed to be dead right? Why take the chance? It's from this point on the movie just becomes completely ridiculous.

One thing you have to understand about 28 Weeks Later is that it relies very heavily on us, the viewer, believing that if a stupid decision could have been made by someone, it was made. No one does the smart thing, not a single person. You have to believe that would possibly happen in order for the rest of the movie to make any sense. I couldn't, and so I just felt insulted by the direction the movie went. Here's where it all went wrong for me. They leave the mom unguarded. This allows guilt ridden dad to get to her, because for whatever reason he has a go anywhere passcard that works on even the most sensitive and secret of military installations. Guilty dad then kisses her and whoops! Saliva causes him to go crazy and kill mom in a very nasty way. Seriously, my wife had to close her eyes, it was quite brutal. Now the infection is loose! Oh noes! But not to worry, the American led force knew it was a possibly and must have a contingency plan in place right? They sure do! It involves pulling people out of the safety of their apartment homes and herding them into one large basement, locking the door and then letting the infected dad find the unlocked backdoor and infect EVERYONE!! Hot dog! I love it when a plan comes together!

From there the movie becomes largely formulaic. The sniper from before is told to kill anyone as they might be infected and he decides that's not something he feels like doing so he helps the medical officer and the two kids escape. Oh yeah and it turns out the little boy is like his mom, he can carry the virus but not be infected by it. Anyway things just get worse for them as the sniper is killed by his own troops, by a flamethrower no less, and the medical officer and children have to dodge a helicopter trying to blow up their car, cause clearly the fact that they're driving is a sign they are infected... Oh and to make matters worse infected dad keeps showing up everywhere like he's tracking his brood... siiiigh patience gentle viewer, it'll be over soon enough.

The medical officer dies shortly after the 'taut' and 'thrilling' helicopter scene, beat to death in a scene that pays homage to a much better movie that employed nightvision, Silence of the Lambs. And it turns out that the infected who killed her was none other than the kid's Dad! He then proceeds to bite his son and get killed by his daugther. All in all not the best day for the man. Oh yeah and the medical officer dies without telling either of the kids that the little boy is probably carrying the virus like his mom was. Way to go good guys. So they escape on the copter of the friend of the now crispy sniper to France where the movie ends with us seeing a horde of infected rushing towards the Eiffel tower 28 days later.... You know a movie is bad when the sight of France overrun by disease ridden not-zombies can't bring me any joy.

All in all I found this movie to be plain insulting. The fact that you are expected to believe so many people would make so many stupid decisions to make the movie works just train wrecks it for me. Sure you could argue that in a horrible situation like that people wouldn't be thinking straight, that panic takes over, but that still doesn't account for the dozens of things the director, not Danny Boyle this time by the way, expects you to accept so the film can work. It is impossible to feel any sympathy towards any of these characters because they all make decisions that just lead every problem in the movie as well as prolonging it. In the end 28 Weeks Later is a poor sequel to a movie that was a breath of fresh air for the horror industry. Juan Carlos Fresnadillo and Danny Boyle, you should be ashamed and you owe me three dollars!!